The biggest revelation I have made through my studies is that my perception of the world is NOT the same as those with whom I interact. The way I interpret a scenario is based on many factors, including my past experiences, my personality, my fears and insecurities, my senses, etc. Moreover, the way I view everything I encounter is likely to be a reflection of some part of myself. What I had previously believed to be reality, I now understand is not reality at all, but only my impression of it.
My Ego uses this perception to shape my reaction to whatever I may be experiencing. It leads me to have a self-centered view on the world. When left unchecked, my Ego can convince me that I need to take a selfish stance in every situation order to protect my well being. If I don't I will be a victim and succumb to the hurt that others may inflict on me. My Ego leads me away from Love and into a place of distrust, solitude and negativity. It will project past negative experiences into the present and seek to replicate those negative experiences - usually finding something to validate its mission.
For instance, my husband might say to me "maybe you could have handled that conversation with your daughter a little better." Instead of seeing this as an opportunity to learn something, my initial reaction (whether I think it or actually say it) is likely to be: "No I couldn't have...I said it that way because...". My Ego compels this reaction and dictates that I am right and must defend myself. My Ego doesn't stop there, it then goes on to attack my husband - having me believe that my husband is at fault for having the gall to say such a thing to me. How dare he judge my interactions with my daughter! Unfortunately a topic as simple as this can invoke such defensive emotion and anger inside of me that I could be mad at him for days.
But if I only took the time to look deeper into my reaction, and step back and see that my defensiveness on the topic of parenting may stem from many factors having nothing to do with that particular conversation with my daughter. It may have been a result of a subconscious fear that I am not a good parent. It may also come from past experiences where my behavior has been scrutinized and I have been harshly judged. It may come from some place even darker.
From my husband's perspective, which is removed from all of my Ego based justification, he made the statement out of Love, not only for me but for my daughter as well. He wants to help both of us with this issue and to foster a deeper relationship with me and between my daughter and I. He can't possibly know the darkness that my Ego brings to the situation. So from his perspective, he was only trying to help and now has a wife that isn't speaking to him.
Seems so easy to see where I made the mistake - right? I could have chosen to view my husbands intentions with Love, but I chose to blame him instead. I could have had an intimate, warm and wonderful conversation with my husband during which I may have learned something, but instead I chose a path that led us away from Love and into anger and resentment. All because of factors that had nothing to do with my husband or the conversation.
In another scenario - a mom in the park viciously admonishing her child, grabbing his arm and seemingly overreacting because he was running away from her. My first reaction to that mom's behavior might be to judge her for being so harsh with her child. I might think to myself that she doesn't have the patience or tolerance to be a mom - that she is missing the joy of watching her son be so care-free. I might even label her in my mind as a bad mom The next moment, when I saw the mom on her knees hugging the child with tears running down her face I'm sure my assessment of the situation would be vastly different, and I would feel like an ass for even having those thoughts.
How could I have known that the woman had a pet who was hit by a car the week before? How could I have known that she had reacted with fear that she might lose her child as well? I couldn't have known those things, but I could have perceived the situation with Love instead of with Ego driven thoughts. I could have approached that situation from the beginning with compassion and sympathy, and perhaps even offered to help. I could have used Love to brighten some one's day.
I know all of this to be true about my Ego. I know that although it appears I need to use Ego based thought to navigate safely through life, following it can have consequences far worse than had I applied Love. Seems like a no-brainer, but I know that my Ego is strong and it is tricky and manipulative. At times I can believe I am using Love, but in reality it is just my Ego's reaction disguised. My Ego is also faster on the draw than Love at times. It arrives on the scene and sets the path way before I am able to even contemplate the application of Love. Is it just an inherent flaw in my personality that causes Ego driven thoughts to take hold first, or does it happen to everyone? It can't happen to everyone - I know people who ALWAYS react with Love and compassion - or do they? Maybe that is just my perception...maybe if I was in their head I would see a different picture...
My Ego uses this perception to shape my reaction to whatever I may be experiencing. It leads me to have a self-centered view on the world. When left unchecked, my Ego can convince me that I need to take a selfish stance in every situation order to protect my well being. If I don't I will be a victim and succumb to the hurt that others may inflict on me. My Ego leads me away from Love and into a place of distrust, solitude and negativity. It will project past negative experiences into the present and seek to replicate those negative experiences - usually finding something to validate its mission.
For instance, my husband might say to me "maybe you could have handled that conversation with your daughter a little better." Instead of seeing this as an opportunity to learn something, my initial reaction (whether I think it or actually say it) is likely to be: "No I couldn't have...I said it that way because...". My Ego compels this reaction and dictates that I am right and must defend myself. My Ego doesn't stop there, it then goes on to attack my husband - having me believe that my husband is at fault for having the gall to say such a thing to me. How dare he judge my interactions with my daughter! Unfortunately a topic as simple as this can invoke such defensive emotion and anger inside of me that I could be mad at him for days.
But if I only took the time to look deeper into my reaction, and step back and see that my defensiveness on the topic of parenting may stem from many factors having nothing to do with that particular conversation with my daughter. It may have been a result of a subconscious fear that I am not a good parent. It may also come from past experiences where my behavior has been scrutinized and I have been harshly judged. It may come from some place even darker.
From my husband's perspective, which is removed from all of my Ego based justification, he made the statement out of Love, not only for me but for my daughter as well. He wants to help both of us with this issue and to foster a deeper relationship with me and between my daughter and I. He can't possibly know the darkness that my Ego brings to the situation. So from his perspective, he was only trying to help and now has a wife that isn't speaking to him.
Seems so easy to see where I made the mistake - right? I could have chosen to view my husbands intentions with Love, but I chose to blame him instead. I could have had an intimate, warm and wonderful conversation with my husband during which I may have learned something, but instead I chose a path that led us away from Love and into anger and resentment. All because of factors that had nothing to do with my husband or the conversation.
In another scenario - a mom in the park viciously admonishing her child, grabbing his arm and seemingly overreacting because he was running away from her. My first reaction to that mom's behavior might be to judge her for being so harsh with her child. I might think to myself that she doesn't have the patience or tolerance to be a mom - that she is missing the joy of watching her son be so care-free. I might even label her in my mind as a bad mom The next moment, when I saw the mom on her knees hugging the child with tears running down her face I'm sure my assessment of the situation would be vastly different, and I would feel like an ass for even having those thoughts.
How could I have known that the woman had a pet who was hit by a car the week before? How could I have known that she had reacted with fear that she might lose her child as well? I couldn't have known those things, but I could have perceived the situation with Love instead of with Ego driven thoughts. I could have approached that situation from the beginning with compassion and sympathy, and perhaps even offered to help. I could have used Love to brighten some one's day.
I know all of this to be true about my Ego. I know that although it appears I need to use Ego based thought to navigate safely through life, following it can have consequences far worse than had I applied Love. Seems like a no-brainer, but I know that my Ego is strong and it is tricky and manipulative. At times I can believe I am using Love, but in reality it is just my Ego's reaction disguised. My Ego is also faster on the draw than Love at times. It arrives on the scene and sets the path way before I am able to even contemplate the application of Love. Is it just an inherent flaw in my personality that causes Ego driven thoughts to take hold first, or does it happen to everyone? It can't happen to everyone - I know people who ALWAYS react with Love and compassion - or do they? Maybe that is just my perception...maybe if I was in their head I would see a different picture...
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