All that being said about Love...and I will have much, much more on the topic...I would be remiss if I didn't spend some time talking about how incredibly HARD it is to employ Love in all situations and at all times. I don't want any of you to think that I believe myself to be supremely enlightened or otherwise superior in my ability to apply the principals that I speak of. Oh, believe me, I am not and I struggle.
I guess I would consider myself a moderately sensitive person, so the stimuli and interaction I engage in generally has some impact on my mood. How much impact depends on a lot of things - including hormonal changes (yes, PMS), the amount of adversity/negativity that I was exposed to just prior, past memories of situations where I was hurt or experienced fear, how sturdy the material is that I used to build my walls, and so on.
The perfect storm of hormones, fear, and adversity and I may dig myself so deep into anger, resentment and negativity that I may not recover for days. I can feel it, like a heavy, wet blanket weighing on my back. The anger is fierce and biting - all is wrong in the world and it's everyone else's fault. I fall into the darkness of isolation and self-loathing. I lash out at the kids and my husband. I dump it all on my best friends in endless rants. I contemplate actions that I otherwise would NEVER even consider. (Luckily I have enough self-restraint to avoid acting on most of those thoughts!) It is, at times, very ugly and makes me feel like a failure...the insecurity of course perpetuating the cycle.
My logical/rational mind knows this behavior is destructive to my well being and that of everyone around me. I know I have a choice...So why does it STILL HAPPEN? Am I just inherently a bad person? Is all this Love, spirituality and God talk just BS that people tote to make themselves feel better? If Love is so good for all, why is it so difficult to achieve?
I guess I would consider myself a moderately sensitive person, so the stimuli and interaction I engage in generally has some impact on my mood. How much impact depends on a lot of things - including hormonal changes (yes, PMS), the amount of adversity/negativity that I was exposed to just prior, past memories of situations where I was hurt or experienced fear, how sturdy the material is that I used to build my walls, and so on.
The perfect storm of hormones, fear, and adversity and I may dig myself so deep into anger, resentment and negativity that I may not recover for days. I can feel it, like a heavy, wet blanket weighing on my back. The anger is fierce and biting - all is wrong in the world and it's everyone else's fault. I fall into the darkness of isolation and self-loathing. I lash out at the kids and my husband. I dump it all on my best friends in endless rants. I contemplate actions that I otherwise would NEVER even consider. (Luckily I have enough self-restraint to avoid acting on most of those thoughts!) It is, at times, very ugly and makes me feel like a failure...the insecurity of course perpetuating the cycle.
My logical/rational mind knows this behavior is destructive to my well being and that of everyone around me. I know I have a choice...So why does it STILL HAPPEN? Am I just inherently a bad person? Is all this Love, spirituality and God talk just BS that people tote to make themselves feel better? If Love is so good for all, why is it so difficult to achieve?
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