Post 4 - THE OTHER SIDE OF LOVE

All that being said about Love...and I will have much, much more on the topic...I would be remiss if I didn't spend some time talking about how incredibly HARD it is to employ Love in all situations and at all times.  I don't want any of you to think that I believe myself to be supremely enlightened or otherwise superior in my ability to apply the principals that I speak of.    Oh, believe me, I am not and I struggle.

I guess I would consider myself a moderately sensitive person, so the stimuli and interaction I engage in generally has some impact on my mood.  How much impact depends on a lot of things - including hormonal changes (yes, PMS), the amount of adversity/negativity that I was exposed to just prior, past memories of situations where I was hurt or experienced fear, how sturdy the material is that I used to build my walls, and so on. 

The perfect storm of hormones, fear, and adversity and I may dig myself so deep into anger, resentment and negativity that I may not recover for days.  I can feel it, like a heavy, wet blanket weighing on my back.  The anger is fierce and biting - all is wrong in the world and it's everyone else's fault.  I fall into the darkness of isolation and self-loathing.  I lash out at the kids and my husband.  I dump it all on my best friends in endless rants.  I contemplate actions that I otherwise would NEVER even consider.  (Luckily I have enough self-restraint to avoid acting on most of those thoughts!)  It is, at times, very ugly and makes me feel like a failure...the insecurity of course perpetuating the cycle.   

My logical/rational mind knows this behavior is destructive to my well being and that of everyone around me.  I know I have a choice...So why does it STILL HAPPEN?  Am I just inherently a bad person?  Is all this Love, spirituality and God talk just BS that people tote to make themselves feel better?  If Love is so good for all, why is it so difficult to achieve?

Post 3 - LOVE, LOVE, LOVE

LOVE

Call me a hippy, but seems to me Love is where it's all at. Love is the answer to every puzzling question. Love is THE universal connection of all human beings.

"Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses ; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it." Martin Luther King.

There are many ways we can define Love, but to me none of them truly would do the concept justice.   Most significantly is Love directed to another human being....romantic love and platonic love. Those of us who have been fortunate enough to have experienced either can attest to the feelings, but probably have vastly different descriptions of the phenomenon.  I know that when I feel love...really feel love (and not just say the words), I am smiling, I feel physically warm, my heart speeds up, sometimes I might hold my breath for a few seconds - I see beauty and Light in the person to whom my Love is directed and I am undoubtedly in awe of the sight and touch of that person. At times the feeling of Love brings me to the verge of tears. I can see nothing but the Love and it permeates to my perception of all else. Time stands still. It is wonderous, it is beautiful and it is a feeling I strive to achieve every day.

But aside from those feelings, most of which represent physical manifestations of romantic Love, or being "in love", what about the every day Love that sustains our happiness, our relationships, and life in general? The kind of Love that allows you to forgive, the kind of Love that allows you to view another individual (friend, family, partner OR stranger) without judgment, even if they have taken action that has caused you pain, or posses obvious flaws in character? How do you describe THAT feeling?

To me Love (romantic or platonic) is the ultimate feeling of elation, forgiveness, happiness, respect, peace, serenity and safety.  The experience of Love can be spiritual, physical or both.  When most speak of Love they are referring to romantic Love, or familial Love, but to me it's more.  Love is a higher awareness, residing with our spiritual self and capable of bringing about infinite joy, peace and happiness to those who can successfully harness its power.  When one is able to truly harness the power of Love and apply that power, that achieved state of being represents true reality and everyone around them benefits.   (Ok, so admittedly I do have Luther Vandross lyrics invading my consciousness after that...)  But really, it may sound hokey, corny, cliche or whatever, but isn't it true?  Isn't it true that when you are able to see another person with Love in your heart, it makes you more open, forgiving, generous, etc., benefiting not only yourself, but everyone else around you?  There is a definite change in your affect, and either consciously or not, you emit happiness.

Granted, achieving that higher Love isn't easy, and I fail at least once a day (ok, maybe more like once an hour) achieving true reality by applying Love to a given situation.  Sometimes I realize my mistake and sometimes it goes unnoticed.  Those times when I recognize the mistake I try to turn it around and say "how could I have applied Love to this situation and changed the outcome for all?"  Other times, even if I recognize the mistake, my ego commands that I justify it by assigning external blame - resulting in an EPIC FAIL (to use a term my teenage daughters have been throwing around lately). 

My goal every day is to apply Love more often than I was able to the day, hour or moment before. 


 

Post 2 - PLOTTING THE JOURNEY

I've given this blog some thought over the past few days.  I have to admit I've been tempted to change the title and use the blog as an outlet for my daily frustrations and, at times, seething anger.  This week, and recent weeks past, have been a challenge to say the least.  My job has been incredibly stressful, frustrating, draining and blah, blah, blah.  I could go on for days recounting the sordid details of life in my professional world...then I could continue indefinitely with rants about my relationship with my husband, and easily mix in a tirade or two... or ten... on my kids.  I'm sure I could throw in quite a few expletives along the way and really work myself into a tizzy.  No doubt many can and would relate and be happy to perpetuate the sentiments.

BUT...sorry guys, that would be way too easy and not at all beneficial to me...or to you.  Having an outlet for all that is fine, but for My Journey I expect more of myself and want to embark on a more thoughtful exploration.  The way I see it, it's easy to allow the anger and negativity to take hold and to keep feeding it with more and more negative energy, but it's infinitely more difficult to work through those feelings and get to the other side.  I couldn't get to the center of me without choosing the latter.

There are a few topics that I have identified as being crucial to the exploration into the center of me....

Love
Fear/Ego
Spiritual Awareness/Religious Perspective
Relationships - (Motherhood - Wifehood - Friend and Familyhood)
Career
Happiness

I propose a slow, methodical look into each of these areas, from my perspective, from the perspective of those who have previously explored, and from your perspective.  Each individual topic could take months or even years to cover every nook and cranny, but perhaps we can find a way to define each topic without limiting the validity of the exploration.  Or not...maybe we just surrender and follow the journey wherever it may lead...

                                                    

Day 1 - BEGINNING "A JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF ME"

The first step in any journey is to simply recognize it as such.  This morning, during a valued moment of solitude and serenity, I began reflecting on my life and how it came to be what it is today.  Themes and topics came to mind such as spirituality, relationships, lessons, fears, happiness, ego, talents, careers, education and of course love.  Questions followed - What do those things mean to me...what has my life been thus far...what defines me...what makes me happy...where do I want to be...how do I get there?  My mind was swimming with ideas and the desire to explore.  

As usual, during my 40 minute drive to work I called my best friend to check in.  She began describing her experiences at a retreat she had attended this past weekend.  Medical and other professionals from many fields attended and gave workshops discussing everything from herbal alternatives to discussion on childhood inoculation, relaxation techniques, women's health issues and spiritual fulfilment.  It was an interactive forum of women who shared viewpoints, experience and expertise freely. She described in detail one speaker who she felt particularly connected to and inspired by.  She relayed thoughts and ideas, struggles and questions similar to the very ones I had been thinking on all morning.  I instantly got goosebumps listening to her speak, not only at the content, but also at the irony of the timing.

Not an epiphany or leap in logic in any way, but it occurred to me that maybe I could collaborate with others who sought to answer some of the same questions I was asking...Maybe "My Journey" didn't have to be so self-centered or self-interested...after all, how could "My Journey" be based in honesty and integrity if it lacked unbiased review and input.  In fact, how could "My Journey" have ANY value without input from varying perspectives.

So, here I am...beginning "My Journey...A Journey to the Center of Me" TODAY.  First step accomplished....set up a blog.  Next step...scope out content, frequency and marketing plan.  Stay tuned!